Sometimes the gap between who I think I am (who I'd like to be?) and who I actually am is huge.
This has been brought home to me in a number of ways recently.
1. The quinoa conundrum
I'm a bit of a homebody. I spend a lot of time at home (more on that later), so I'd like to see myself as someone who has the hang of it all. Someone with a lovely clean, tidy, well put together home, who could welcome people in at the drop of a hat, possibly whipping up a quick batch of scones for them, without smudging my lipstick. You know the sort of thing. Nigella Lawson crossed with Kirsty Allsopp. Well, I'm busty, dammit, so I should be able to pull this off. And yet, somehow I'm hopeless. As I sit here on my sofa and type this, I can see mess everywhere. My washing is drying on the curtain rail in my living room and my knickers are on the radiator. I wouldn't want to invite anyone here, and I certainly don't have the makings of scones in the cupboard.
What I do have in the cupboard is quinoa. Lots of it. I first bought it, oh, about a year ago, cooked some, quite liked it, and then promptly threw it to the back of the cupboard. A few weeks ago, I bought a book of quinoa recipes from the Book People. It's still in the bag. I just took it out to take a photo. Here it is.
So in an attempt to unleash my inner domestic goddess, I am........ [drum roll]........
GOING TO COOK SOMETHING FROM THE BOOK THIS WEEK. Then I will blog about it.
2. An intro-version of me.
A couple of weeks ago, B sent me a text message, telling me about a book I had to read. It's called Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking. She said that she kept thinking about me as she read it. I was initially astounded by this statement. Me? Quiet?! Ahahahahhahaaaaaa!! No, really. Aaaahahahahhahaaaaaaaaa! Sorry. But I trust B, she's amazing and she knows me well. So I downloaded it to my Kindle and got around to reading it last week. Well blow me down with a feather. I'm an introvert. This has never occurred to me before. Because, well, you know. I'm quite loud. And full of quips and banter and things. But nonetheless, I am quite clearly an introvert. I prefer low key social situations where I'm with people I know, but even then I often get overwhelmed and need to go, be quiet, regather myself.
If I'm out with friends, and there is a plan to go to a bar after we've had dinner, I excuse myself and head home. I am quite clear that I do not want to be in the bar. It is too much. It is likely to be loud, with lots going on and it is JUST TOO MUCH.
I'm only about halfway through the book, but it's just fantastic, and I recognise so much of myself in it. I highly recommend it, if you are introverted (or suspect that you may be!) or you are close to someone who is.
I worked from home today. I have an important presentation next week and wanted to work away from the distractions of the office so that I could focus on the task in hand (interestingly, open plan offices are not ideal for many introverted people, who need space and quiet to function better. Who knew?). In my mind, I thought that I'd be quietly sitting and thinking about the requirements of the project, maybe with a pencil lodged quirkily behind my ear. In my mind, I'm wearing something simple, casual and stylish as I sip a cup of tea and ponder the needs of my client. I'd be pacing up and down, before suddenly having a moment of inspiration and rushing over to my laptop to type furiously. Hmmmmm. In reality, I've spent all day in my hoodie and pyjama bottoms. Alternately thinking about the client's needs and stuffing mini poppadoms into my gob. I haven't had a cup of tea all day. GASP.
But the good news is that I do have a handle on what we're doing for the presentation on Tuesday. So I guess sometimes, it's not how you get there, but the end result that counts. Phew.