Twelve of 2012: Part II

Well howdy folks. I hope you've been enjoying the festive period.  This little bit between Christmas and New Year is a little odd, isn't it?  I don't usually take the time off work, but this year I did and have very much enjoyed an extended break.  I've tidied up my living room and it looks so much nicer.  Now I just need to do the same in my bedroom and it'll all be marvellous.

Tidy and lovely

In other exciting domestic news, I ordered a new washing machine earlier today and I just finished a bag of clementines that didn't have a single duff one (unless you count the obligatory one that goes white and fluffy three days before the rest), so I'm feeling very much like I'm on top of things. Whoop. 

Anyway, enough of my domestic nonsense, I know that what you're all really waiting for is.... the next instalment of my exciting Twelve in 2012 series!  Unfortunately, as predicted, I'm bored with this thing already. It appears that I have the attention span of a gnat.  So I'm going to zip through the second half of my list in double time, before I fall asleep from the effort of it all.  So here goes.

7.  Friends.  I'm lucky to have some brilliant people in my life.  This year I've spent time with friends old and new, running, eating, walking, drinking wine, wedding attending.  Some of the people who have brought me the most joy and amusement have been those I've met on Twitter.  Some of them I have since met in real life (such as @claz0r, @leestuartevans & @gutnahofski) and some I haven't (such as @msmac, @lilbeeloo67, @trevb1 & @lellymo) but all of them have enriched my life, if only with a little bit of banter now and then. I was also really happy to meet up with some old friends, particularly Pam & Chris all the way from Calgary and Sarah, who was visiting the UK from Japan.  We watched the Paralympic marathons together and had a great time.

Thanks friends, you are all brilliant. 

8.  Family.  See above re brilliant people in my life.  My family are the best of those.  This year we went on our first family holiday for years and it was a blast.  But I think the best family thing this year has been spending time with my niece.  She'll be two in March and throughout this year she has grown into a real person, with such a wonderful personality.  And she's as cute as a kitten to boot.

9.  Murdoch.  Always Murdoch.  He's going to be in my annual highlights every single year that we spend together.  I love that little guy.  If anyone doesn't know why he's so important to me and why I love him so, then please feel free to read this.

10. Good stuff on TV.  This may seem a little inane, but there's been some great stuff on TV this year.  Obviously the 'lympics, but other stuff too.  This year, I've really enjoyed watching Fringe.  It's the final season and one of few shows that I'll really miss when it's gone.  Not only does it star Joshua Jackson (OMG, it's Pacey from Dawson's Creek, investigating weird and creepy shit!) but it has by far the best character that I've seen on TV for a long time.  Walter Bishop (played beautifully by John Noble) is complex, layered, tragic and wonderful.  I love him.  If you haven't seen this show, go watch it, from the start.  If Pacey from Dawson's Creek does X Files is not enough of a draw, then you should know that it was created by JJ Abrams.  Go watch it.  Other stuff that I've enjoyed are Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (James Van Der Beek properly taking the piss out of himself - VERY funny.  Am I going back to a Dawson's Creek obsession? Maybe.  But JVBD has really grown into his forehead since the Creek and clearly has a good sense of humour).  I was also really surprised to enjoy Elementary which I thought was going to be a giant heap of crap.  Keep reminding yourself that it's not Sherlock and then let yourself enjoy Jonny Lee Miller making a pretty good job of it. 

11 & 12. Learning Pilates, starting to run again and losing a bit of weight.  These last couple of things go hand in hand.  It was at the end of December last year that I was allowed to start running again after five months on the injury bench.  I started to build up very slowly and carefully - possibly a bit over cautious, but there it is. I was able to complete the Great South Run at the end of October, only two seconds slower than my PB.  While I was building up my running strength, I did a Pilates course in February and haven't looked back.  I love Pilates and feel immeasurably stronger in my core muscles than I did before.  Over the course of 2012, I've lost 21lb in weight and I think it looks like more, thanks to the Pilates, I'm holding myself better.  I still have plenty of weight to lose and will continue to work on that throughout 2013, but my first goal for next year is to train for and complete the Brighton marathon, something that did not seem likely this time last year.

And that's your lot.  Sorry that it's a bit hurried and slapdash, but at least it's done.

Wishing you all a very happy new year - I hope that you achieve everything that you hope for in 2013.

The Perception Gap

When I first posted about the F Word earlier this week, I had an astonishing amount of responses from people, but one that really stopped me in my tracks came from my friend J.

"Not sure whether sexes has anything to do with it or whether my friends were all arse holes but I was always being called chunk, fatty etc. I think they call it banter but more like bullying to me! Anyway, family have always said to me, you're a jolly, big man and if you weren't then you wouldn't be you. So how does that inspire me to lose weight? Being told that if I become thin then I'm no longer going to be the person my family love? Oh well, back to the kitchen I go for a comfort snack in the form of wotsits!"

I actually cried when I read that because it made me realise the enormous gap that can exist between what our loved ones are trying to say to us (in this case "Don't listen to those bullies, we love you just as you are because you are AMAZING") and what we actually hear ("Doesn't matter how unhappy you are with your body, you musn't change otherwise we'll stop loving you").  It's a massive, Grand Canyon sized gap between intention and translation and I think it happens a lot.  

I know that in most cases, when people say "Don't be silly, you're not fat", it's not because they are trying to upset, annoy or derail me, it's probably because they are trying to make me stop feeling bad.  The problem with it is that it doesn't work and it's easy to read the subtext "I am not interested in your problem, I'm going to deny that it is happening" behind words that are most likely being said with the kindest of intent.  I still know that I'm overweight in the same way that J knows that he is, denying that there is a problem does not make it go away, we can see the fact of it in the mirror, in our reflection in every shop window that we pass, in the jeans that we don't fit into.

I guess the question becomes, how do you move past it?  Well, I clearly did it by posting on my blog and creating a minor shitstorm.  I honestly didn't see that coming (mainly because I didn't think anyone actually read my ramblings!) but what happened was that I was set on this path and given a healthy shove to get me started along it.  I don't know how J has started to move past the voices in his head.  I suspect that his first steps may have been taken with the support of his very lovely wife, but however it happened, I was really happy and encouraged to see this from him this morning:

got on the scales this morning, the big number has gone down by one. Next milestone within reach! 

Well done buddy, long may it continue.  Oh and if you're reading this, I've got something that I'd like to say to you and it is this.  You are awesome and amazing, one of the kindest and most generous people I've ever had the good fortune to encounter.  This is a true fact and would not change if you were 50 stone or 10 stone.  That is who you are, your body is just where you live.

This is my blog for the day, I'll do a calorie summary as part of tomorrow's blog.  This one had been playing on my mind since I read J's comment and I wanted to get it out there.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!

I'm back! I jotted down some notes about my offline experience and here they are, somewhat in the form of disjointed ramblings.....

Friday (Day One)

Yesterday when I first thought up the idea of removing myself from my social media profile for three days, my first reaction was physical.  A fluttery feeling of panic in my belly.  And when I woke up this morning, my first thought was (as always) to grab my iPhone and check my Facebook and Twitter to get an update to start my day.  Instead, I hit the snooze button, rolled over and slept a little more.

So it's been 12 hours since I last checked my profiles and one of the things that I've noticed is that I now have the habit of noting little things about my day and thinking about them in terms of tweets or FB status updates, like "Feeling headachey and rubbish, think I might be coming down with a cold :(" or "Think I might run back to Waterloo today" or "God I'm tired". It all suddenly seems quite banal and boring - why do I need to share these things with the world?

I feel horribly disconnected.  Like all of my friends are at a party to which I haven't been invited.  And y'know what?  The party probably isn't that great, and I'll hear all about it on Monday, but until then, I'm filled with a panicky feeling of MISSING OUT. 

God it's like crack.  I can't stop thinking about it :(

There's no doubt about it, social media enhances my life. It adds interest and novelty to my day.

Wow, just read an article that contained these words.... “…a bit like sleep helps us to make sense of the day, it’s our time offline that helps us to make sense of everything online.”.  Well that about sums it up really.  I do feel as though I'm getting a clearer idea of why I like to be on Twitter / Facebook.  As someone who lives alone and sits in an office environment where my back is to the rest of my colleagues, connecting with people online makes me feel engaged and part of a wider community. It's a community that judges me on my personality (or rather those parts of my personality that I choose to share) rather than what I look like. I get a kick when someone retweets me or replies to me.  It's a SUPERkick if it happens to be someone that I don't know. It makes me feel like I'm interesting - like I'm the person at the party that has done the standout party trick.

Was quite happily getting on with my afternoon's work when I got a call from my dog guy asking if it was ok if he dropped Murdoch off at my flat, rather than waiting for me to pick him up.  This is fine, in fact it's great as it means that once I get off the train I can just stroll home and not have to worry about going to collect the dog.  But my first thought was.. "My flat is a mess!" and I really wanted to post about it, so my lovely friends and followers could reassure me that it didn't matter.  Instead, I am sitting here worrying that I may have left my pants on the floor :(

What a beautiful day.  Took the time to walk back to Waterloo from the office.  No rush, took it easy. Walked through the City and headed over the Millennium Bridge to the South Bank. It was vibing this evening, with an exciting mix of tourists and people enjoying a post-work drink in the sunshine.  The South Bank Centre in particular was packed and had loads of kids running through a sprinkler system.  We Brits know how to enjoy good weather properly!

Days Two & Three...... erm, nothing.  Not a thing occurred to me to write at all.  Didn't even think that much about what might be going on in my absence.  So I guess once you've gone through the shakes and panic of cold turkey, then it's plain sailing.

That said, I laughed an awful lot when I logged back into Facebook yesterday morning and saw what my lovely friends had been up to on my wall.... :)